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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Twi-Wipe

Why?

Why?!

WHY?!!

My mother is a Twie-hard, a Fanpire. I will rue the day that all four books are neatly placed on our bookshelf next to the Harry Potter series.

First I'm denied a Harry Potter movie, now THIS? How ironic that the series I dislike the most is placed next to my favorite, and by my own mother, who has read the first two volumes and is currently reading Eclipse, and has seen the Twilight movie. Why, I ask, is it, that every single girl and gay boy has read the entire series and seen the movie? WHY?

ARGH.

If all the toilet paper in the world was burned and could not be replenished...

wait. Scratch that.

If there was no toilet paper in the house, I would...

wait. Scratch that.

I use Twilight as toilet paper.

Frickin' sparkly vampires.

7 Grumpy Teen-O-Grams:

Shanana said...

Got a problem, Nate? I'm glad you posted this, Son. You have inspired me to create a new form of punishment: "Nathan! Quit beating up your brother or I'll make you read Twilight for an hour!"

Natotater said...

N
E
V
E
R.

Caleb's Co. said...

I just love your family :D

I'll apologize in advance, as I will be providing book #4, which is ABSOLUTELY the BEST one!!! (yes, I'm a Twi-wipe, I mean, Twilight fan also).

Mommalynne said...

My sympathies, Nate. I, your wonderful, eccentric grandmother, have not read "Twilight", yet. And I could be pursuaded not to. What will you do for me if I take your side and boycot this entire series of Vampire madness?

Di said...

Nana failed to mention that the reason she has not participated in this particular series is because Angie and I FORBADE it as she is the LAST person on earth who should indulge in vampiric teenage romance. That's right Nana, you know of what I speak.

Anywho Nathan, I'm with you on this whole "twil-ig-hit" (that's what WE call it) thang. But as I am currently reading it under penalty of offending my mother-in- law, I have to at least admit that its diverting. And that's all I have to say 'bout that.

Wayneman said...

NOOOOOO! Not you TOO, Di!

I feel like I'm in "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and there's not a dang thing I can do to about it.

Mommalynne said...

Poor Wayne, I'll support you by not reading it. BUT NOT because I have been FORBIDDEN by two of my progeny. Because I really don't need to waste my time on a funky teen-semi-porno book. (Because I don't to make myself think about such things.)