Twi-Wipe

Why?

Why?!

WHY?!!

My mother is a Twie-hard, a Fanpire. I will rue the day that all four books are neatly placed on our bookshelf next to the Harry Potter series.

First I'm denied a Harry Potter movie, now THIS? How ironic that the series I dislike the most is placed next to my favorite, and by my own mother, who has read the first two volumes and is currently reading Eclipse, and has seen the Twilight movie. Why, I ask, is it, that every single girl and gay boy has read the entire series and seen the movie? WHY?

ARGH.

If all the toilet paper in the world was burned and could not be replenished...

wait. Scratch that.

If there was no toilet paper in the house, I would...

wait. Scratch that.

I use Twilight as toilet paper.

Frickin' sparkly vampires.