Sandy Claws is Comin' to Town

One amusing Christmas memory *

1. The Nutcracker (emphasis on NUT). see HERE.

Two theories why Santa chooses the chimney as his best means of entry *

1. Santa is a vampire. His coat, once white, is stained by the blood of his victims. He set a curse upon the planet to make all Christmas celebrators go to sleep earlier than usual so he can suck their blood. Everyone else is lucky. He feels guilty, though, so he gives kids presents. His real name is Vlad Sanduklaus, and he chooses a chimney as his entry because vampires can turn into bats, which are, I daresay, small enough to fly down a chimney.

2. Santa's brother, Lance Kringle, was a burglar/male model. Santa decided to return everything his strangely attractive brother stole one year, and his brother quit stealing people's crap, and became a full-time model, and later died in a bar fight. Santa, in his depression, ate for comfort, and put on 200 lbs. To help work off this weight, he decided to make an annual 'round-the world trip. He soon realized that he should do what his brother did, but in reverse, as a tribute to Lance. So, for a workout/reverse burglary, he uses the chimney as a means to measure his waist size, and in tribute to his lost, strangely attractive, burglar/male model brother, Lance Kringle.

Three things you want for Christmas *

1. Star Wars: Force Unleashed (XBOX 360)
2. New church clothes and shoes
3. Sanity

Four of your favorite Christmas movies *

1.Elf
2. A Christmas Story
3. (I don't know if this counts, but:) The Nightmare before Christmas
4. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (both versions)

Five ways you've been naughty this year *

Hee hee. >=)

1. Pressed the EASY button too many times (that was easy)
2. Snuck video games one night and got busted. =O
3. Ate tangerines in great amounts
4. Acted like a tard
5. "Broke" every electronic device we own

Six ways you've been nice *

1. Worked for over 72 hours on service projects
2. Got good grades!
3. Grew peach fuzz
4. Helped adjust my brother's behavior *kick*
5. Didn't act like a tard in public
6. Roasted a chicken that didn't have a bag for the giblets (great first impression, huh?)

Seven people you suspect are elves *

1. My mother
2. Hayden
3. Chad
4. Napoleon (the French dude)
5. Orlando Bloom
6. Will Ferrel
7. TIMMY!

Eight of Santa's reindeer (no cheating) *

1. Nordic
2. Dickens
3. Gallant
4. Prodder
5. Manly
6. Tweaker
7. Taunter
8. Melon

Nine uses for snow *

1. Getting frostbite
2. Sticking your tongue to a pole
3. Dreaming about it when you live in So. Cal
4. Peeing in it ("don't eat yellow snow")
5. Eating it
6. Snowmen
7. Pretending you're a commando on a reconnaissance mission
8. Chucking it at squirrels
9. Using nose drippings as chopsticks

Ten least favorite things about Christmas *

1. Artery clogging after egg nog
2. Familiarity with men in tights
3. Joy
4. Missile toes
5. Elves
6. Figgy pudding
7. "Happy holidays!"being the only politically correct thing to say to anybody
8. Frosty the Snowman
9. Feeling sick from all of the food that I didn't need but ate because I could
10. Having the Harry Potter movie pushed back half a year

Eleven word associations to "figgy pudding" *

1. jiggly pooting
2. noogie
3. putting
4. chop suey
5. whooping
6. piggy shooting (PIGGY CATAPULT!!!)
7. moody
8. trampoline
9. flooding
10. cermudgen
11. scrooge

Twelve reasons you love Christmas *

1. Egg Clog
2. Candy Canes
3. Being an Elf on Christmas Eve
4. Roasting Chet's nuts on an open fire (Chet is our favorite squirrel)
5. Watching funny Christmas movies
6. Trying to find the most extravagant light display on a house (nicknamed the year's "Griswold House")
7. Greed
8. Nativity
9. Carols
10. I like Santa.
11. Delicious PIES!
12. Turkey



I like Christmas..............

AWESOMENESS!!!!

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE NEW TRAILER!!!!

*click here*

Though it is an awesome trailer, it's a bit of a slap in the face. It shows just how close the movie is to being finished, and yet, it's STILL 6 MONTHS AWAY.

GRR!

It took like three hours to get the shading on the upper lip.

I have recently been given back my art packet from my art class. Here it is!

Magic Mountain---CLOSED FOR SAFETY REASONS

Event:
8th Grade Field Trip

Location:
Six Flags Magic Mountain

Date:
Monday, December 15, 2008

Weather Conditions:
Rainy, chance of storm

Magic Mountain Status:
Closed

Field Trip Status:
Postponed

Replacement Date:
Unknown

"I need: A massage and a great hairstyle."

I Am: strangely attractive.
I Want: a delicious pie.
I Have: issues.
I Miss: Nor. Cal.
I Fear: the Mouth of Sauron.
I Hear: as well as my dad.
I Search: everywhere for the remote, and whoever asked me to find it is usually sitting on it.
I Regret: that I have pudgy cheeks.
I Love: being blissfully ignorant.
I Forgive: my brother for annoying the heck out of me on a daily basis.
I Ache: after playing goalie for hockey.
I Always: am awesome.
I Try: not to lose my marbles. Hey, where did they go?
I Am Not: a retard.
I Seem: like a retard.
I Know: everything.
I Feel: haaaaaappy.
I Dance: like an idiot.
I Dream: about being Harry Potter. (gotta lay off the books. and the movies.and the podcast.)
I Give: hugs to those who ask.
I Listen: to Muse almost every day. (thanks, Di!)
I Laugh: like an idiot.
I Can't: eat delicious caramels.
I Write: to make fun of Teenage Vampire books.
I Cry: when I want to (I can force myself to).
I Sleep: rarely.
I Am not always: normal.
I See: a computer screen.
I Need: I need, I need!
I Should: sell my freaking Pokemon cards.

o-(* . *)-o

MY Teenage Vampire Book

Unlike some people *cough* *cough* *lockbox**cough*, I have decided to place a preview of my book, which currently has no title. Here it is in all of its preview awesomeness:

i. Another Teenage Vampire

I don't hate Van Helsing. Dracula was way out of line. I'm not scared of vampire hunters. I just don't like running from them. Okay, I'm just gonna say it: I am another teenage vampire. There. I said it. You know all about Dracula, the famous Count from Transylvania whose biography was written by Bram S. Stoker. He's the most famous vampire there is. He was a European vampire. Those are the ones that are majorly allgergic to garlic, don't show up in mirrors, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I am an American vampire. I have a reflection , have a shadow, love garlic bread, and can walk around in broad daylight. But the major distinction is that I turn into a vampire with a huge collar and a widow's peak. Nah, just kidding about that. But I do turn into a vampire. My teeth, all of my not-molars, turn sharp. (I'm ashamed; my mom's a dentist and I still don't know what they're called.) That's it. No red eyes, no "Bleh! I vant to suck you're bluhd!" at all.

There are lots of kinds of vampires. Japanese vampires, AKA ninjas, are similar to European vampires, except that they don't have red eyes, they know cool martial arts moves, and they are allergic to rice. Mexican vampires, Chupacabras, only suck goat blood, and are really hairy. They freak out if you throw beans at them. You get the picture.

You're lucky to be reading this. Recently, the Vampiric Loss and Apprehension Association of Detroit, (V.L.A.D. or Vlad, as most vampires call it,) decided to set what they called a "purge of vampires" into the water supply. They created an elixir that would kill any vampire who drank it, and snuck it into the water circulation. Six vampires died. Luckily, a fellow vampire, Blake Makso, created a water substitute, which he nicknamed H4V, (Help For Vampires). I managed to survive on it.

Oh, this same dude discovered that I have "negative mass," which allows me to change gravity around myself at will. In other words, I can fall up, down, and sideways. When Blake measured my mass, the pointer went down instead of up. Voila, negative mass. Blake also discovered, through x-ray, (this guy's like my 'vampi-narian,') that I have three optic nerves in each eye, so I can measure anything just by looking at it. No wonder I kicked butt in Geometry. Also, my bones are like Kevlar: they're bulletproof and will never break.

One last thing. My name is Zeke Peter White. Friends call me Zip, or Zipper, because I run really, really, fast. All right, let's get started. From now on, I'll pop in every once in a while, to give you some extra tidbits. Zeke out.

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To be a bit like Lockbox, that's all I'm gonna show you. Also included are: a Vlad agent named Von Deutshman that Zeke has for a history teacher, a vampire with braces, and more awesomeness!

Thanks for reading!