MY Teenage Vampire Book

Unlike some people *cough* *cough* *lockbox**cough*, I have decided to place a preview of my book, which currently has no title. Here it is in all of its preview awesomeness:

i. Another Teenage Vampire

I don't hate Van Helsing. Dracula was way out of line. I'm not scared of vampire hunters. I just don't like running from them. Okay, I'm just gonna say it: I am another teenage vampire. There. I said it. You know all about Dracula, the famous Count from Transylvania whose biography was written by Bram S. Stoker. He's the most famous vampire there is. He was a European vampire. Those are the ones that are majorly allgergic to garlic, don't show up in mirrors, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I am an American vampire. I have a reflection , have a shadow, love garlic bread, and can walk around in broad daylight. But the major distinction is that I turn into a vampire with a huge collar and a widow's peak. Nah, just kidding about that. But I do turn into a vampire. My teeth, all of my not-molars, turn sharp. (I'm ashamed; my mom's a dentist and I still don't know what they're called.) That's it. No red eyes, no "Bleh! I vant to suck you're bluhd!" at all.

There are lots of kinds of vampires. Japanese vampires, AKA ninjas, are similar to European vampires, except that they don't have red eyes, they know cool martial arts moves, and they are allergic to rice. Mexican vampires, Chupacabras, only suck goat blood, and are really hairy. They freak out if you throw beans at them. You get the picture.

You're lucky to be reading this. Recently, the Vampiric Loss and Apprehension Association of Detroit, (V.L.A.D. or Vlad, as most vampires call it,) decided to set what they called a "purge of vampires" into the water supply. They created an elixir that would kill any vampire who drank it, and snuck it into the water circulation. Six vampires died. Luckily, a fellow vampire, Blake Makso, created a water substitute, which he nicknamed H4V, (Help For Vampires). I managed to survive on it.

Oh, this same dude discovered that I have "negative mass," which allows me to change gravity around myself at will. In other words, I can fall up, down, and sideways. When Blake measured my mass, the pointer went down instead of up. Voila, negative mass. Blake also discovered, through x-ray, (this guy's like my 'vampi-narian,') that I have three optic nerves in each eye, so I can measure anything just by looking at it. No wonder I kicked butt in Geometry. Also, my bones are like Kevlar: they're bulletproof and will never break.

One last thing. My name is Zeke Peter White. Friends call me Zip, or Zipper, because I run really, really, fast. All right, let's get started. From now on, I'll pop in every once in a while, to give you some extra tidbits. Zeke out.

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To be a bit like Lockbox, that's all I'm gonna show you. Also included are: a Vlad agent named Von Deutshman that Zeke has for a history teacher, a vampire with braces, and more awesomeness!

Thanks for reading!