As today happens to be my 13th Birthday, I find it only too fitting to do one of those abstract posts about some overlooked but well-known topics. This post will be divided into several sections, each concerning a different aspect of birthdays.
I. Traditions
A.)Presents. Who came up with the idea that just because the birthday boy or girl is coming one year closer to their eventual demise, they deserve some sort of toy or some abstract little doohickey that they don't know what do do with besides burn, suck on, or torture? I'm not complaining, of course; I love having more crap to play with.
But what I'm saying is, did someone think, "Hmm... Maybe I should give this kid a toy for being a year closer to being sent to a nursing home, because I don't want them to be cranky when that time comes. Maybe when their future children finally say, 'I'm sick of having to change your diapers; I'm gonna let someone else do that for me and send you to an old folks' home,' they'll look back on this moment and say, 'I'm glad I got a Malibu Barbie for my fourth birthday,' and not be grumpy about this."
B.)Cake. Why a cake? Is this a further branch of the strange tradition of presents? Why not pie? Pie is better anyway. Birthday cake tends to be too dry to be eaten comfortably. Maybe a serial killer working at a bakery came up with this one: "I hear that Joe Billy Bob, the man who stole my cookie as a child, his little boy is having a party commemorating his one year closer to being a cranky senior. I will bake a cake called a birthday-cake, sell it to Joe Billy Bob, and when he eats it, it will be so dry he will choke and turn purple. I like purple. It's my favorite color. Maybe I should put purple frosting on the cake." Whoa. That's one of the wierdest... never mind.
C.)Candles. Why do people insist on melting candles on the already disgusting cake, and say that if you blow it out and make a wish, it'll come true? Come on. Was fire discovered on a caveman's birthday? "Ug! Fwee-fwee! AH! Naga haga ah ka na hee! Toga haka wokkah!" ("Whoa! Fire! AH! Maybe we should put that stick that's on fire in my cake! Yeah, that's a good idea!") Uh...
II. My Birthday #13
A.)13. Why is 13 the unlucky number? Hmm? Why? I'm gonna open this up for discussion in the comments. I'm sure there will be some hilarious answers. BTW: Diana, why Michael Jackson's sister...?
B.)The way I see it. I have officially entered teenagehood. What the frick?! Last I remember, I was still a vibrant, not-foul, blissfully ignorant little boy! AAAAHHHHHH! I don't want to shave, wear deodorant and/or antiperspirant, and all that other stuff! I wanna be all normal!!! *sob* *sob* *sob* *SOB*
III. "Astrology"
I don't believe. As it is, I really don't think the stars affect our behavior. It really depends on our upbringing, our spirit, and what we choose to act like. Horoscopes are just myths that people enjoy reading for entertainment, or really do believe in for odd reasons. There are so many interpretations of horoscopes that it really seems far too differed to actually have any effect on my personal belief. But, of course, as I said, it's entertaining, and here's my horrifying Star Wars interpretation of my horoscope.
Star Wars Horoscope for Gemini |
 Like most Geminis, you are a playful little creature. You tend to be extremely curious, craving knowledge but sometimes having a short attention span. For the most part, you are charming and lovable. But at times, you can seem scattered and high-strung. Star wars character you are most like: Ewoks |
I AM NOT LIKE A FRICKIN' EWOK!!! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!
9 Grumpy Teen-O-Grams:
Happy Birthday, Nato Potato. That was a really funny post. Now, what can I get you that will keep you happy enough not to put ME in a home?
P.S. You're getting pie tonight... Not cake. But come on... Would you REALLY turn it down if you were presented an ooey gooey piece of chocolate cake?
True, chocolate cake has to be an exception to your omni-pie outlook Nathan. But you are an Ewok. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that.
And to answer your question, "Why Michael Jackson's sister?"- it was in reference to The Goonies, one of my favorite movies.
Ha, ha, haa, haaa! Haappy birthday, Nathan! You wrote a "funny" on your birthday, Nathan! I loved it.
Actually, the birthday cake was invented in the middle ages when sugar was first refined from beets. It was so valuable that only rich people could afford it (much as gasoline is today)so a "cake" was a special gift. Today it isn't so special, seeing as we all eat about 200 lbs of sugar a year in the US. but I can't answer for the pie. It must have been invented then too. but fruit wasn't new and cake batter was. OK? ALSO, people didn't live very long then, 40 was old. So each year was precious.
I used to know why 13 is an unlucky number, but now I am not sure. I think that it is because it is the year you enter "middle school", the worst time of your life. All the kids are stinky, grouchy, narscistic, unstable, and pimply. Their noses are too big, chins too small, legs too long (or short) and they think with parts other than their brains. Other than that, its lots of fun!
One thing about you being a 13 year old Gemini, if you need to shave and don't, you will definitely look like an Ewok, teeth and all. Love, Nana =)
I have to agree with you on the cake thing, Nathan. I've never liked cake, but "tradition" states that I should eat it on my birthdays/wedding/baby showers, and I never do, but it seems someone always brings one anyway. Weird.
You are a funny little teenage Ewok, Nato!
Wow Nana, you are so wise in the ways of cake!
carol started the tradition to cut cake any shape you want and any size piece to each. and she was bold enough that if she didn't like you, you wouldn't get a piece. i think that's why i like my mom's peach pizza (peach pie only in the form of a pizza)...yummy. fyi--hayden i'm sanders' sister.
Well, I like cake, but not grocery store brand. The cake is dry, the frosting is crusty and tastes like plastic, and it all is just artificial-tasting. Pie is good wherever you go. The crust is always crunchy, flaky and buttery, the fruit or cream is mouthwateringly sweet and squishy (in a good way) and creates a perfect blend of tastes. SO... I hope that clears up exactly what I mean.
Rocky Road?
That was actually me.
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